“The finest thing in the world is knowing how to belong to oneself.”
~Michel de Montaigne
WHAT WILL THEY THINK?
You are a separate individual, whole and unique.
But how often do you look to others for acceptance, approval, love and support?
Differentiation is the ability to see yourself as a separate individual and to connect thoughtfully with your wants and needs, without becoming overwhelmed by emotion.
Although developmentally appropriate for teenagers to make choices based on their desire to belong, the maturation process leads you away from this need toward being able to fully accept yourself.
Instead of asking, “Will they like me, find me attractive, think I’m funny, want to spend time with me?” you begin to ask, “Do I like me, think I’m attractive, believe I’m hilarious and enjoy my own company?”
When you become emotionally reactive or shut down as a result of what others say or do, this indicates a need to continue the process of fully connecting with and accepting yourself.
Learn to stand comfortably in your skin, evaluating yourself based on your own wants, needs, values and beliefs.
Know yourself, love yourself.
RECIPE FOR DIFFERENTIATION
When it comes to being evaluated by others, are you concerned about your appearance, intelligence, social or financial status? What are the recurrent themes in your life?
Write a list of specific questions and concerns you may have such as, “Will they think I’m stupid?”
Turn each sentence into an “I” statement such as, “Do I think I’m stupid?”
Explore both the origin of your beliefs and how you might alter those that do not serve you.
Feeding the Starving Artist 